I kept my word and a week after we buried Dad, Mom came to live  with my daughters and I. Thoughts of dad were never far from mind and he soon became a part of my dreams. The most vivid dream occurred soon after his death.  In my dream I found myself driving an odd-looking mini two-door coupe with my mother and daughters sitting almost on top of each other as they crammed into the vehicle. I had no idea of our destination. I only knew that I was looking for dad so I could bring him home. As we drove through the quiet streets I kept wondering why he had left us to fend for ourselves.

 
The car seemed to have a mind of its own as we weaved our way through the narrow streets of an unfamiliar town. Following my instinct, that only dreams can provide, I turned down a side street and the car was instantly swallowed up, as it were, by literally hundreds of individuals all dressed in white – white suits and dresses, white shoes, white hats and caps. They appeared not to notice our vehicle as they either talked quietly amongst themselves, walked unhurriedly across the street or congregated along the side walk. Each house we passed had its own cluster of people, spilling out the front door, standing on the lawn as well as clogging the driveway.

 
I crept slowly down the street as I peered in vain at each passerby hoping to find dad. I implored my nervous passengers to do the same. Then, instinctively I stopped in front of a non-descript house, quickly got out the vehicle and urged my family to do the same. My girls held on to me for dear life as mom followed closely on my heels. As we approached the driveway the sea of individuals parted and allowed us to approach the front door, which stood open. As we stepped inside an expansive living room, I saw that dozens of similarly clad men and women occupied every square inch, as far as my eyes could see. Strangely, no one spoke to us, stared at us or tried to stop us as we went from room to room. Then we entered the kitchen, which was extremely large and even more crowded than the other rooms. For the first time I heard a distinctive voice as if someone was giving a lecture. However the throng that stood before me was too thick for me to see who the speaker was.

 
Suddenly, as if on cue, the multitude parted to reveal the back of a small, wiry man. He turned and to my surprise and joy, I saw that it was dad. Unlike the others who occupied this strange community, and who were all similarly dressed in head-to-toe white, dad sported an expensively tailored black suit, with matching tie and a dazzlingly white shirt. In our excitement we rushed to him and I  blurted out, “Dad we’ve come to take you home!”

 
With a serious countenance he raised his right hand to stop our forward momentum. I stopped in my tracks as fear gripped me. He seemed so serious. There was recognition but no joy in his eyes. Then he said in a grave and solemn tone, “there is nothing I can do for you. Go home and take care of your mother.” Our tears flowed as he turned away and was once again swallowed up by the crowd. Filled with shame and embarrassment I hurriedly gathered my family, retraced my steps and hurriedly drove away.

Later as I awoke from that dream, I tearfully marveled at its content and to the messages that only a dream can bring. Happy Father’s Day Dad!

 
Do you have a story to share about your father? Leave your comments in the box below.

Throughout my adult life I had always prided myself on the charitable works I did or the causes I supported financially. It wasn’t until my mother came to live with me that I began to understand the true meaning of service and serving others. Two weeks after my father died from stomach cancer, my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer. After 50 years of marriage which she had gone into, straight from living at home, this was not the time to experiment on seeing if she could live alone.

Coming so soon on the grief we went through as we watched my father die, the realization that her time might be limited caused me to review my life, the paths I had taken and the things that I thought were important to me.

Spirituality had always been important to me and more than ever, I began to draw on that storehouse of strength, endurance and faith.
I took a leave of absence from my job and dedicated myself to seeing that she was taken care of, wanted for nothing and that her medical rituals and requirements were taken care of effectively and efficiently.

That year I spent with her as she recovered from surgery and subsequent treatments taught me so many lessons that I would not have otherwise learned. A year and a half after her initial diagnosis her health began to fail again.  I juggled work, a business and being a single parent to two very active teenage daughters. The quandary of her being ‘too rich’ to qualify for government services yet ‘too poor’ to afford round the clock help, lead me to the task of working during the day, while she had a caregiver, and taking care of her at night, with the help of my daughters. She had been in a nursing home but the thought of leaving her there was too much for us all to bear and so we brought her home.

The two years that I cared for her until her death, were some of the worst yet some of the best times I had ever experienced. My service to her taught me several lessons that have made me a better person. I learned:

1.    Closeness. As I carried out my mission from day to day, it brought to mind, William Shakespeare’s  characterization of the ‘Seven Stages of Man.’ I realized she was in that seventh stage, that ‘second childishness’ that he wrote about. Yet we were never more  close than we were during those times as we faced life together. The hurriedness of my professional and personal life slowed down to match the cadence of her life and we were drawn together in love, laughter, memories, spiritual awakening   and self-discovery.

2.    Love. I really learned to love her, not as my mother or a person in need of assistance, but as another human being separate and apart from me. She was a gift from God that I could pour my love into and it came right back in unexpected ways. Her smile. Her laughter. Her appreciation. Her faith. The love in her eyes when she looked at me or her granddaughters. Three generation of women brought together to share a life of love and abundant joy, even in the midst of pain.

3.    Family. Mom’s presence in our home gave an immeasurable gift to my daughters. I marveled at the closeness that developed between the three of them as they often held their heads close together in laughter at something they all thought was funny.  In the past they would have had to travel almost a thousand miles to visit the grandparents once a year or even less. Her being with us gave them that sense of connection and an opportunity to learn who she really was. More than anything, she also learned the essence of who they were. They learned of the power and strength of the family unit and that they would carry on the legacy of her and those who had come before her.

4.    Resilience. This experience taught me so much about who I was, my stamina, my ability to give selflessly and the strength that was so much a part of me, yet I hadn’t known existed. It made me know that I was strong enough to face whatever life brought to my doorstep and that I could handle it with grace, patience and with a heart filled with gratitude.

5.    Faith. More than anything else, my faith in God was rekindles. I had begun to take my faith, beliefs and spirituality for granted. Yet in the midst of Mom’s illness, the faith that had lain dormant, welled up within me and gave me the power and strength to persevere.  It was a constant reminder of my connection to Spirit, The Universe and Divine Love. My strengthened faith gave me the ability to appreciate all that I am and all that she was.

I also learned the greatest lesson of all.  I understood that when I took my eyes off my challenges and extended my heart unselfishly to another,  that it is through that experience that I learn the true meaning of love, family, faith, selflessness and serving others.

What memories come to mind as you celebrate Mother’s Day? Let me know what Mother’s Day mean to you.

Life’s Little Secrets: As you pursue your dreams it is important to remember that life never tells you all its secrets. It continues to unfold as you think, act and work your plan. Don’t wait to act until you see the entire picture. If the calendar says Spring, nature will not provide a clue to winter until the time is right. See the big picture in your plans but know that there are aspects that will continue to be revealed as you put your plans in motion.  Life takes on more meaning as factors we never planned for reveal themselves. Take delight in those revelations and enthusiastically incorporate them into your carefully laid plans. As you take these changes in stride know that who you are and what you can accomplish will also continue to unfold as you live and grow. Welcome these changes and embrace them as part of the natural order of life.

Life’s Kismet Moments: It was Samuel Goldwyn who said; “The harder I work, the luckier I get.”  You     often hear people say that someone else had kismet, was lucky or got the big break. Luck had nothing to do with it. What they did was to prepare themselves for that opportunity so that when it came they were able to take advantage of it. So begin to prepare your mind, take action and seek that opportunity so when luck strikes you’ll be ready and able to take advantage of it.

 Life’s  Gentle Nudges:  Have you ever had a  vague  notion, idea or inclination that you followed to its logical end?  Where did it take you?  Many time those whims of fancy or seedlings, if allowed to germinate can open new doors and opportunities.  Have you ever thought that the hobby you so enjoy doing could turn into a successful enterprise? Did you ever have a fleeting thought about an invention but you passed it off as a silly notion only to have someone else bring it to market?  Those silly notions may be the spark of a whole new adventure. Don’t be quick to discard those ideas. Write them down. Mull it over. Allow it to germinate. Be observant. See how you can bring it to fruition, perhaps not today but in the not too distant future.

 Life’s Ownership Opportunities: Take ownership of your course of conduct, your life and its direction. Do not allow others to dictate  your livelihood, your actions or your aptitude.  Failing to take ownership and responsibility for where you want to go in life is like going to the supermarket and having someone else fill up your basket with what they want. As Dr. Phil would say; “How’s that working for you?” Listen to the advice of others but you have to be the final arbiter of your course of action. Don’t surrender your power of decision making over to those who claim they know what’s best for you.

Life’s Timetable: Momentum is needed to keep one moving forward when the inevitable setbacks occur. The  right momentum allows you to change course in midstream and to keep pace with the changing reality of life, relationships and business activities. It allows you to change strategy, speed up or slow down as needed to allow the plans you’ve set in motion to reach fruition. At times you may feel that events are not occurring fast enough. Understand that this is part of the ebb and flow of life. As you plan, take into account that momentum could shift in midstream. Don’t fall out the boat but steer it along with the knowledge that proper planning will help you from going off course.

How have you dealt with the journey towards success? What lessons have life taught you?
Leave me your comments in the box below and join the conversation on https://www.facebook.com/elainebgreaves.

We can certainly recall the horror of watching television that morning and seeing the unthinkable events unfold. The questions on everyone’s mind were, who was responsible, what next and, where next?

I recently asked my sister, Shirley Greaves Robinson, who still lives in New York City, to  recount her recollection of that horrendous day. She still gives thanks to God for keeping her from literally being in the eye of the storm. She could have been center stage that fateful morning. Her office was within walking distance of the World Trade Center. Each morning she would invariably meet her girlfriend to shop in the twin towers stores before work.  She should have been there that morning except that her schedule had changed. On the morning of September 11, 2011 she had begun the first day of an internship program away from Ground Zero.
So instead of being at the twin towers and witnessing the carnage firsthand or, worse yet, becoming a potential victim, fate had sent her that morning to Brooklyn.

She thought it was a cruel joke when someone said that the twin towers had been attacked. Soon, like all of us, she watched television in shock and disbelief as the unbelievable events unfolded and as the towers came crashing down. She describes the scene as one of ‘chaos and confusion; emotional and heartrending.’ Fear of the unknown was uppermost in her mind, mixed with dread that her girlfriend may have been at the towers when the attacks occurred. Confusion reigned as cell phone service died and long lines materialized for the few available public phones. Those phones became their lifeline as they reached out to family and friends to reassure themselves that their world was still intact.

Yet, as Shirley replays the events of that morning, her mind continues to reel with the knowledge that, “I could have been in there with those people if I hadn’t started my internship that day. I give thanks to God for that.”

For her and millions of others that day, the next challenge was to find a way home since the subways were silent and transportation was at a standstill. For several hours she walked barefoot towards home trying to escape the confusion, trying to get to a predetermined meeting place so she could assure her husband, Alton that she was all right.

As she describes it, a year later when the internship for her Master’s degree ended she returned to work in the Manhattan office she had been in prior to 911. Even after a year she described the ‘smell of death’ that still permeated the neighborhood and the discomfort of inhaling the foul air. Yet in the back of her mind she continued and still continues to give thanks to God for the decisions that kept her from the twin towers that day. We, her family, echo that sentiment!

How has 911 affected you? Have you changed and if so, has it been for the better?  Certainly anyone who has visited New York City in the last ten years has found the City to be a kinder, gentler place.We have all learned so many lessons in the last ten years. What have you learned? Here is my list of the ten  important  things I’ve learned post 911:

 1.    Treasure those you love  and tell them often how much they mean to you.
2.    Get in touch with friends and family you’ve lost touch with over the years
3.    Live life to the fullest
4.    Follow your passion and live life on your terms
5.    Take that dream vacation you’ve been putting off
6.    Don’t sweat the small stuff
7.    Love with all of your might
8.    Help someone else along the way
9.    One discreet act can change the course of your life
10.    Believe in God as if there’s no tomorrow

What is your list of takeaways from the 911 tragedies? Leave your comments in the comment section below.

1.    Gratitude- You know the saying ‘you can catch more flies with honey…’ It’s the same in life. Acknowledging others and thanking them for their contribution will go a long way in getting others to go to bat for you. But beware, it’s not a tool to be used to manipulate others for your own selfish purposes. Your gratitude must be genuine and sincere. More importantly, giving thanks to God and acknowledging him as an indispensable part of daily life, makes the difference between mediocre achievement and abundant success. Never become so sophisticated, jaded or cynical that you omit expressing gratitude to your maker.

2.    Humor -  Expressing humor and having a sense of humor in the face of difficulties, is the apple a day that keeps the doctor away. And it literally does. It helps to lower stress, you begin to take yourself less seriously and you relax. This  allows your mind the freedom to create the answers and lead you to opportunities that a sour disposition would not. So laugh and, if you’re like me, tell some really weak jokes with the punch lines all screwed up. But that doesn’t matter. It’s the act of humor that frees the mind not whether you’re a skilled comedian or storyteller.

3.    Inspiration – Never underestimate the power of divinely guided Inspiration. Relax and allow that intuitive part of your brain to kick into gear. This requires you to make time to sit, pray and/or meditate and allow the flow of ideas to overtake you. Keep pen and paper close by because it’s during these times of quiet and thoughtful surrender that the answers begin to flow through you. Never underestimate the power of such quiet reflection to move you from inspiration to INSPIRATION!

4.    Judgment- This is the ability to perceive and use common sense which allows you to engage in right action. Clear judgment comes about through planning and taking care of the details because in life, it’s the pesky little details that often trip us up. Sound judgment comes about as we observe what works and what doesn’t. And it’s not just the things you’ve tried but also what others have tried, failed or abandoned. Learn from each attempt; surround yourself with those who can give you sound advice then take what they say and, in the light of your experience and common sense, distill the information to come up with right and decisive answers.

What other Power Words can you add to this list? Drop me a line and let me know what other motivating words are on your list.

The Catalyst is the key-  Many times the thing we need to jump-start our progress is a negative experience. It is often true that when we are satisfied with what we’re doing in life or what we have accomplished, that there’s no breakthrough. Then something happens that interrupts the flow of our complacency. We become discontented or experience defeat. That’s when the desire or need to make changes begin to peer through. That catalyst or seed of discontent is what’s going to take you to the next level of discovery and productivity. Leave the ‘Oh why me’ behind and acknowledge that this may be the movement you need to get you from comfortable to great.

Remove defeat from the equation -Very little, if anything, is ever accomplished by those who lack the determination to succeed. Determination is that certain quality inside of you that makes you hunker down  in the tough times and refuse to give up. It gives you traction when others say it can’t be done. It keeps you motivated in the face of certain defeat. Yet you know that as long as your determination, drive and will to succeed holds, there is no room for defeat.

Shape your future -We’ve all heard of people who have become ‘overnight’ successes. Yet if you took the time to review the story of their lives you would discover that very rarely does success come out of the blue or overnight. They will tell you that it was an evolving process that took months, years and even decades. As we allow ourselves the opportunity to grow and evolve we become more in tune with our thought processes, decisions, options and actions. They become our constant companions as we plan, carry out our ideas and take advantage of opportunities so that we’ll be ready for the day when we’re referred to as an overnight success.

Take the plunge -Do you have a sense of fulfillment in what currently occupies your time during the proverbial 9:00 – 5:00? Unfortunately many of us don’t. We continue to live lives of quiet desperation because we feel powerless to make changes or we’re afraid to take chances. What one thing can you do today to move your life closer to fulfilling that secret dream you’ve always had? You know the one that keeps you up at night. Yes that very same one that wakes you up in the morning. Now, running off to join the circus and leaving your family behind may not be the avenue to take but how can you wisely incorporate that circus desire into some facet of your life?

I’d invite you to  let me know your feedback or any tips on what you think it takes to lead a successful life.

The American Flag

I was reminded, as I listened to a recent news story, that in many developing countries, a large proportion of its citizens live on under $1 or $2 per day. They also face high mortality rates, rampant diseases with little access to electricity, water and sanitation.  Yet the US media continues to tell us Americans how bad off we are and we, often against our better judgment, buy into feelings of poverty, lack and financial despair. On this Independence Day would any of us be willing to trade our lifestyle for the person subsisting on that $2.00 a day budget?
It is difficult to ignore the fact that many of our citizens are either unemployed or underemployed. This 4th of July some cities have scaled back on fireworks display and many families have made the choice to stay closer to home this year rather than contend with the price of gas, hotel accommodations and the inconveniences of air travel.
As we consider this most recent economic downturn let us reflect on some of the American ingenuity that has helped to make this country great with far reaching and worldwide impact.  Even in the face of current economic setbacks America’s ingenuity continues to unfold. Here are some past and present accomplishments fueled by American ingenuity.

• The first airplane flight (Wilbur Wright);
• The first artificial heart transplant (designed by Robert Jarvik);
• The first billionaire (John D. Rockefeller)  – and today America boast around 400 billionaires;
• The first iPod;  (Apple)
• The first lunar landing (Neil Armstrong)
• The world’s largest corporation (Wal-Mart Stores)
• Country with the most millionaire households (8.4 million in 2010)                                                                          - (CNN & the longest list)
  

Let us be assured that despite economic setbacks of the past and present, there are those among us who have always found a way to turn adversity into success. I daresay that listening to and buying into the conversations of the “talking heads” are not high on the agenda of those whose goal it is to succeed despite the recession.
Let us remember the Spirit of Achievement, Promise and Possibility on which this country was founded. Let us see this country through the eyes of immigrants who flock to our shores with the certainty that their lives will be better here than any place else.
According to Wikipedia, since 1790, there has been as many as 47 recessions, of various duration and intensity, in the US. What that means is that there hasn’t been a decade in the last two hundred years that we have not faced economic concerns of some degree or other. Yet, throughout those times, Americans  continued to thrive and increase their economic holdings.
This current  crisis must not cause us to lose hope in our ability to bounce back economically. A loss of hope means that we tighten our belts and spend less which means businesses sell less, manufacturers produce less, companies then feel  forced to downsize, laying off our friends and relatives. They then shut down or move their companies from our communities which continues the vicious cycle of economic loss and familial despair.
Let’s take a long range view and look behind us at our accomplishments and our past ability to withstand economic recessions and depressions. Let us now look at our current situation and then look forward as we work with resiliency and purpose to bounce back.  Let us believe again in the promise of America and what it still stands for: ingenuity, initiative and an inspiration to those still seeking the dream of the good life. Let this be the day that you recover your Spirit of Independence.

One of the most memorable statements a client ever made to me was from a young man who explained why he couldn’t give up a life of crime. He was concerned about not fitting in with his peers who were all involved in criminal activities. Why would he willingly give away the power to control his destiny over to someone else?

Most of us would agree on the tragedy of that story and feel pity for the young man who felt he had no control over his own destiny.

So what about you? Are your actions and decisions any different from his? Surely you’ll strongly argue that there’s no similarity between his actions in committing crime and your everyday life. On that I might agree. You will just as forcefully argue that your decisions are also diametrically opposed to his. That may also be the case.

However, what about the actions you take and the decisions you make in your daily life. Are you in control of those activities or is someone else ‘pulling your strings’?  What about in the arenas where it matters the most:

1.    On the job – who controls your power? Is your work ethic different when your supervisor is absent versus when he or she is present? Do you imitate the person who works the least in your office  or do you set your own path and perform the work that needs to be done?  Do you follow the path of mediocrity and then pretend efficiency and industriousness in the boss’s presence. I daresay a competent supervisor or manager is not fooled by the persona you portray when you think you’re being observed.

In order to be successful in any enterprise, one has to maintain that internal clock that keeps efficiency and productivity high even when no one is looking. This is not for the supervisor’s benefit. It’s for your benefit. If you study the work ethic of successful people who made it without the benefit of family money, the overriding principle that stands out is their ability to perform optimally even when no one is looking over their shoulders.

2.    In the home – How does your actions and decisions manifest in the face of  family dynamics?  Do the members support your dreams and aspirations but, most of all, do they know what your dreams are? Do you just surrender in order to keep the peace? Do you provide for their needs to the detriment of your own?  Certainly when we have young children it obligates us to one point of view. However, as they mature and begin to lead their own lives, just where do you fit in?

What have you done for yourself lately that brings you freedom and fulfillment? When has your desires taken front and center above the desires of those who may take you for granted? Begin the process of taking your power back without the corresponding feelings of guilt. Who knows, perhaps your family is waiting for you to come forward and share your innermost dreams. Maybe they can help you fulfill those desires. Perhaps when you speak up it frees them from the obligations of your continuous self-sacrifice.

3.    With your friends – Have you ever been with a group of friends where one of its members invariably takes control  and decides– where to go, what to eat and what the conversations will be about? I believe we all have. Does your friend  always want to pick up the tab or insists on being the driver when you carpool? And I bet you just let him or her continue in his/her bossy ways.

Will you make a decision to change the balance of power?  Will you act  to  reinstate a more balanced relationship or have you been intimidated into perpetual silence? What would speaking up get you?  A lost  friendship? Perhaps gratitude from your other friends who had also stayed silent? Who knows, it could get you to a more honest and emotionally satisfying relationship with your now enlightened bossy friend. Try it! It may just work.

4.    In the company of strangers – In the ABC Prime-time show, What would you do?, each week various  scenarios are staged for the purpose of seeing if ordinary people will intervene  to aid an ‘innocent victim’ subject to an outrageous act  being perpetrated on them by someone else. The show never fails to surprise both for people’s lack of response but mostly for those brave souls who are willing to stand up for a stranger who they believe is being victimized. The question is, on which side of the fence would your decision and action fall? What would have to happen for you to respond to perceived injustice?

5.    In your quiet time – As you end your day and you’re afforded minutes of quiet time, how do you spend it? The hope is that you spend some of it in self-reflection on who you are,  self-empowerment on who you can become and self-actualization as you begin to live your life with right decisions, decisive actions from a dynamic  base of power.

I would love to hear about actions you took or decisions you made that changed your life and shifted your power base. Leave your comments below then forward this blog to someone you think may need to read this.

He was not an educated man in the traditional sense. According to him he did not make it past the third grade yet he was the most learned and smartest man I knew. He read the newspaper each day, with no story left unconsumed and eagerly devoured world news from the Voice of America radio broadcasts.

As a child I never saw him far away from his favorite book – he often referred to it as his book of speeches. It was discolored, worn and dog-eared yet it was one of his most prized possessions. It was only years later that I came to appreciate him even more when I realized the actual nature of that manual.

Dad was known in our small Jamaican community as a Toastmaster: a man who could be called upon at any time to say the right words and give an impromptu speech at any function or gathering. He gave words and life to what others could not say. What they didn’t know was that none of his speeches were ‘impromptu.’ If dad ever had an inkling that he might be invited to a wedding or similar get-together where speeches were the order of the day, he began hoping and even expecting that he’d be called on to say a few words. To the groups’ delight he never turned down an offer and never failed to delight the audience with his eloquence and theatrics. Had he been born in a different era he might have become an award winning Toastmaster, an accomplished actor or a successful trial lawyer.

What no one outside of the family knew was the expanse of time and effort dad put into learning his craft. He spent time consulting his trusty book for speech-writing and speech-delivery tips before he wrote out his own speeches. He then spent hours in front of the mirror articulating his words, fine tuning his posture and practicing tone modulation. I was his audience as he honed his skills for those cherished impromptu moments.

Perhaps it was through observing my father that I began to fall in love with the spoken word. He made it come alive and showed a shy, timid child what was possible.
It was only decades later, after our family migrated to the USA and I had left home and started a family that I realized the nature of dad’s book of speeches.

The book dad cherished so much when I was a child was in fact a book published by Toastmasters International, a group I have come to know and respect.

As I look back on my youth, I realize the amazing lessons I learned from dad during those formative years and I’d like to share some of them with you.

Seven Amazing Lessons Learned from a Father who dreamed of an Extraordinary Life

1. Your future is not defined by the modest circumstances into which you were born.

2. Lack of a formal education does not determine who you may ultimately become.

3. The keys to success – Perseverance, Perseverance, Perseverance.

4. Prepare yourself even when you can’t see from whence opportunity will come.

5. Appreciate the enormous impact a dedicated adult can have on the life of a child.

6. Make your dreams way bigger than your present reality.

7. No one else can define who you’ll become but you.

Do you have a favorite story to share about your father? If so, post your comments below and share this article with someone you love.

As my cleaning efforts in the bathroom ended, I was brought back to mom’s statement on kindness. I said, “Mom,” looking up and forcing her, as it were by my will, to meet my eyes. “Mom,” I said again and our eyes locked. “I consider it an honor to help you. Do you understand? You are my mother and it is my privilege to help you any way I can,” I stated as I thought about the many nights during the last several weeks that she had tried unsuccessfully to stifle her nighttime moaning as pain racked her body. She hated being a bother then and she felt the same way now.

“I’m so much of a problem for you,” she said in a tremulous tone , her Jamaican lilt even more pronounced than usual. As tears burst from her eyes and cascaded down her smooth brown cheeks I responded softly, “we’re happy you’re here and we’ll do all we can to help you.”

The next day I did what was needed to restore her dignity- I purchased adult diapers and lovingly fitted her in the disposable garment as she shyly averted her gaze. I also made arrangements for her never to be alone at any time.

“Look what else I bought for you, Mom,” I said brightly as I tried to distract her from the unnecessary shame that clouded the visage of this very proud and private woman. “An angel nightlight,” I continued as I removed it from its packaging, quickly walked to the wall opposite her bed and plugged it in. “The angel will watch over and protect you,” I said. She had a strong belief in guardian angels and I could tell that she appreciated my gift to her.

A month later, to my dismay, the bulb in the nightlight went out. I immediately replaced it since the nightlight had become a source of comfort to her. Seeking my own comfort I crawled into her bed that evening and lay in her arms. The years fell away and I was once again that young girl who snuggled in her parents’ bed in the early morning hours. Now as I lay cradled against her fragile form, I thanked God for giving me the opportunity to care for her. My father’s words came to mind – “when I die I want you to take care of your mother. Take her to live with you in Ohio”. “Yes dad,” I had responded, “ I will,” knowing then that even without that promise I could not have done otherwise.
As the weeks went by she no longer got up to go to the bathroom by herself and she ate very little. All my life she had read her bible daily now we read to her. I worked by day and took care of her by night. It was something I had to do.

Three months after our bathroom conversation, mom suffered a brain aneurysm and died at the age of eighty-one . As I sat in her bedroom, the light she had left behind became a constant source of comfort.

We buried her in Ohio on an extraordinarily windy October day. Even in death she wanted to be close to us for she had expressed her desire to be buried in Ohio, instead of in Florida. A week after her funeral we went back to visit her grave. It was another unusually windy day. “That’s grandma,” my older daughter said as she held her face up to the wind. “I was just thinking the same thing,” I responded. “So was I,” echoed my younger child. It may be coincidence but even after all these many years, each time we visit her grave, within minutes of our arrival, the wind unfailingly begins a brisk swirl.

Yet the most amazing thing continues to unfold. Mom has been gone for almost ten years yet her nightlight, with the bulb I replaced while she was alive, continues to burn unabated. Even as I write this I stare across the room at the miracle light that continues to shine from a ten year old bulb not much bigger than a child’s thumb. I don’t know if bulbs are supposed to last that long. Perhaps they are, yet its presence lets me know that no matter where I go, even if or when the light no longer shines, mom’s love will continue to shine in me.

Reliving the experience for this piece brought to mind the 10 powerful lessons I learned during that period of my life.

Ten Powerful Takeaways from the Miracle My Mother Gave Me:

1. Love, like memories, is everlasting and will bring you through the tough times;

2. Unconditional love between parent and child can heal life’s hurts and pains;
3. Acts of kindness and unselfishness are keys to a life well lived;
4. Cherish those small yet special moments as they happen in your life;
5. You are never too old to learn life’s lessons from those you love;
6. Sharing your children with their grandparents is one of the best gifts you can give to each of them;
7. Giving the terminally ill their dignity is a gift that has no end;
8. Cuddle with your loved ones as often as you can. You can never underestimate the power of the human touch;
9. Expect miracles to envelop you in the most unlikely ways;
10. Your loved ones never really die.

Do you have a story of a loved one who brought a special miracle into your life? If so, post your comments on my Facebook.

My book, A Season to Success, was inspired by my parents and the love our family shared. Check out my book page for further information.